i used to hold everything in. i used to keep whatever i feel bottling inside. it didnt bother me that much, because i was used to it. duh? then someone came along and told me to open up to them; that i can rely to them if i ever need a shoulder to cry on or stuff like that i think. then i remember how hard it was at first to start telling people how i feel about this and that. but eventually i did. then as time passed, the urge to show how i feel overflowed. i cant even hide my feelings anymore. i said whatever is in my mind. i got emotional af. i easily got offended and actually show i was offended, and make sure people get my message clear that "weh im offended shut up??". but then, the same person who told me to "dont keep it all to yourself, youve got me" might have thought of my being this way a nuisance. suddenly that person might want the old me back. because i was so much easier to be handled back then. and now im utterly confused. what do they want from me actually? i just wow wth. haha. i am seriously tired of having to say sorry for the way i feel. for being angry at the stuff that i have the right to be angry about. ugh i am seriously goddamn tired of having to be the only one who figures things out, the one who says sorry first, the one who actually puts an effort to...

ok let's just. ugh let's just not.
i need to start loving me again. i cant remember the last time i did.